I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
