This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
