worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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