I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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