Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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