When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
