its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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