I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
