Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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