I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
