Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
