Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
