he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Watching her eat just hurts me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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