That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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