Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
