Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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