covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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