She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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