I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
