At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
