i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
