Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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