Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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