ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
how does that bad decision feel?
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