Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
