are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
