i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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