so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
