I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
