There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
