I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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