Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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