I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
