I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
