I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
