a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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