I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
jump out the window naked night went bad
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
