Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
