My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
