Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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