His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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