great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
