A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
