At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
