I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
