The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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