he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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