Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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