I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
