you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
