You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Found the puke drawer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
